I’m Christmas shopping for my sister-in-law, who loves Twilight.  I thought I might get her a fun little happy to go along with her present.  And I wanted to share with you some of the most ridiculous etsy finds based on Twilight.  You’re really gonna love it.  I promise.

Sweet mother of pearl, is this not the most absurd phrase to have over one’s bed?

Ah.  Jacob-scented lotion.  In case you aren’t up on your Twilight, Jacob is the 17 year old boy that turns into a werewolf when he gets mad.  Just what I want to smell like.  A pubescent, angry dog.

Friends, let me remind you of something.  Vamps do not want peace and love.  They want your blood and my blood, and they want to drink it up.

The actor that plays Jacob is…wait for it…17.  So, no, 47 year old mom, it’s not creepy at all that you own this ginormo photo collage of him.  TOTALLY NORMAL.

This Etsy artist will “Cullen-ize” you, meaning she will take your photo and make you look like a vampire.  For people who just can’t stand the reality of not being an actual vampire.

Aaaand, for those of you who must force your weird obsessions onto your children (YOUR INFANT CHILDREN), a onesie.

I, for one, can never have enough Dreamcatcher messenger bags.

Let’s see…do I go with the obsessive stalker who desperately wants to drain the blood from my body…OR…the egomaniacal, self-centered Victorian uptight?

If you have to ask…

My internet friend, Caroline, likes to play a game where she google image searches “Twilight Tattoos,” which is equally entertaining.  Some gems…

Internet: I salute you for the amount of crazy you hold.