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The Most Embarrassing Thing That’s Happened to Me in 2008

If you read my blog at all, you know how much I hate the gym. I won’t remind you, but in short, it’s the bane of my existence. And after today, I’m not sure how I will ever show my face again.

So I walk in and there is a new guy swiping cards. He’s black with amazing dreads. The reason I point this out is because the three times (including today) that I’ve been hit on since Ben and I started dating has been directed at me from black guys with amazing dreads. The first was a guy in New York City working a clothing store that was way too hip for me to even be in giving me his email address. The second was a customer at Starbucks telling me he’d like to take me to dinner. The third was today. He complimented my glasses, telling me that I was “cute” and that they “looked nice on me.” I tell him that I got them online for $20 and he seemed as impressed as he should be and gave me a big smile. I smile as well, because I managed not to make a complete fool of myself by doing something humiliating, which is my wont.

Either way, I’m feeling pretty good, which if you know me, is a sure sign that I will soon embarrass myself enormously. I don’t ever get hit on (except by my husband, which I’m ok with) and I certainly never get hit on at the gym. I usually don’t even get acknowledged the gym, so this is a step up. So I walk into the locker room and proceed to change into my gym clothes.

I open up the bag and it appears that I have forgotten my shoes. Crap. Oh well. I’m wearing my red pumas today, so no harm, no foul. I do have a thing about ONLY wearing athletic shoes (tennis shoes) at the gym, but I can let it slide today.

Ok. So that problem is solved. No biggie. Wait. Where are my socks? I am wearing my yellow and gray argyle socks today, so I really would like to wear my athletic ankle socks…but it doesn’t appear that I packed those either. And I have the world’s stinkiest feet, so no one I work or live with would benefit from not wearing socks. Crap. Oh well. I’m wearing long pants to work out in, so no one will even see them. I’m totally cool.

As I pull my pants on, I realize that I have packed my CAPRI workout pants. Meaning my long yellow and gray argyle socks and red pumas will be showcased as my pants end about six inches above my ankles. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Ok. Think. This isn’t that bad. Normally, I would just leave under this kind of pressure, but I haven’t been to the gym in forever, and I really feel like I can work this out. I’ll get on the Nordic Track in the women’s room. No one will see me, all the ladies will ignore me there anyway. Perfect.

I dodge into the Ladies Room. EVERY machine is being used. All of them. And everyone in the room is staring at my ankle area. I leave. I run into the glass door a little in my haste. Crap.

Ok. There are still options here. I’ll just pull my pants down a little, so that my ankles are covered and you can’t really see the socks. Perfect. It looks a little weird…but not too bad. No one is going to be staring at me anyway. I’m good.

So I go on my merry way and run on the running machine, with the serious people. I hate doing this with the serious people, but I had too. Plus I was really proud of myself for not just leaving when I forgot my shoes. I’m running and running and walking and listening to This American Life and I feel a tap on my back. It’s an extremely sweating lady, very small and blonde, and she looks nervous. I pull my headphones out and smile. She comes closer and whispers, “I think your pants are falling down.”

My pants, indeed, had slid from where they ought to be to a new place, where my underwear was visible to the serious people. I thanked her and hoisted my pants into their proper position, trying to look cool about it, but my eyes welled up a little. I can’t help this. I don’t want to cry in situations and I literally cannot help it. She saw this and scurried off. I pressed quit on my running machine and pondered my fate. I was going to have to walk down the stairs with my underwear showing, or my argyle-socked ankles. I chose the ankles.

See You at the Polls

I sort of like voting. I’ve only done it once. This will be my second general election. The last time I voted, I was a fresh Birminghamian. I voted at the Vestavia Hills Community Center and it was really exciting. People dressed up, there was food and lots of community, oddly enough. Tomorrow I will vote at a new place. And either way, tomorrow will be a historic day. Which I think is pretty cool.

There have been a number of articles floating around the internet regarding Christianity and politics. Derek Webb wrote this one. Don Miller wrote this one. Both very interesting and thought-provoking. I thought about taking Derek’s advice and not voting (since I was truly having a crisis in trying to make a decision), but to echo Drew, there was a time when I could not vote (not me personally, but women. Well, technically, me…when I was younger than 18…anyway). And I want to be a part of the process, because I am thankful for the men who fought one way and the women who fought another way to give me that right. So, that’s that.

Either way, we will turn off our television’s tomorrow night and when we wake up we will have a new President-Elect (knock on hanging chads). And all the election insanity will be behind us. Quite frankly, I’m just ready for a decision to be made.

On that note, I wanted to share some of my favorite parts of the election. Here you go:

Don Miller’s “correspondence” with Barack Obama

Obama/McCain Dance-Off (minor language…be warned)!

It’s still the most amazing thing I think I’ve ever seen.

Also…pretty amazing.

And this is just crazy weird. I think that the Sass is responsible.

The one thing I will not miss are Facebook status’s saying that it’s not American to vote for Obama or that only stupid people would vote for McCain. I am really sick of that.

What was one of your highlights of the election? Are you just glad it’s over?

Poladroid

I love Polaroid pictures. Not as much as some people, but I think they are completely charming. They are discontinuing Polaroid film, so pretty soon, it won’t be available anywhere. But, leave it to the geniuses on the internet to come up with something almost as cool. Check out poladroid. You can download it (Macs only right now, PC’s in November probably), drag and drop your pictures and it turns that pic into a digital polaroid. While watching The Office and 30Rock tonight, I played around with it and am perhaps mildly obsessed. Some of my creations:

Benny and Me @ Dad’s 50th Party.


The Sass reppin’ Orange Team 2004.


Ben and his pipe, Mother’s Day 2006.


Me and the Droobs @ Dad’s 50th.


Hicks Ranch Brand, 2006.


Ukrainian couple, 2006.


Papa, 2007.


The Han at the 2007 Christmas Cookie Decorating Party.

The Lazy List

The List is coming back because I haven’t posted in awhile and I have some very vapid, shallow things to say. They don’t warrant a full post on their own, that’s for sure.

1. I tried watching ‘John Adams’ tonight. It would be great, except I can’t stand Laura Linney. I feel ok about this because at least I tried.

2. I lost Moleskin #5. This is highly upsetting to me, because it was just about full, and now it’s either languishing somewhere, cold and alone, or someone has it and that’s worse. On a positive note, when I discovered that Moleskin #5 was missing, I ordered this little work of art. It’s the new kind, only 60 pages and thin enough for your back pocket (thank you to Jon Whitt) and there’s a sweet bird on it. I love birds.

3. I got to go home this weekend, which was awesome. I freaking love my family so much I want to squeeze them to death, so hanging out with them is always a complete and total pleasure. I also go to play with my friend Ashley and her completely amazing child, Hadassah. This kid rules. If you don’t want kids, don’t hang out with Haddie, because she will charm the pants right off you and you will want 20 kids. Too bad they won’t be as awesome as she is. Seriously. This is the three of us at the 4th of July this summer.

4. I have to wait on seeing HSM3, due to exorbitant movie prices. $9.25? Are you kidding? So, I am waiting on the matinee.

5. We are writing at work again (PTL) and my commission for conference this year is the LiveLove musical parody, which I am really excited. I’ve already started one song, and it’s about how Twilight ruins peoples lives. It’s sure to be a crowd pleaser.

6. My Halloween costume this year is amazing. I’m going to be Rosie the Riveter (NOT “We Can Do It” Girl, but the actual Norman Rockwell Rosie, seen here). Today I got my buttons in and they are incredible. One of them is an original pin that Congress gave to the mother’s of soliders who won the Purple Heart. The back of the pin says, “United States of America, 1 August 1942, Act of Congress.” Rosie would wear it with pride, as shall I.

7. My car is in the shop right now, so guess who is riding to work on Frances in 20 degree weather? Me! While I am incredibly thankful that I have something else to ride while Dolores is having some surgery, it is unbelievably cold outside on the scooter. This morning, I was yelling “IT IS SO COLD!” as I drove down Valleydale. Tomorrow, I am wearing Ben’s puffy jacket to see if that will help. The cuteness factor on the scooter will have to be sacrificed for now, because you can’t be cute if you are frostbitten.

That’s pretty much it. Sorry this post seeps of lame.

Frankenstein (Both Young and Old!)

Frankenstein is probably one of my favorite books. I love it. I normally really hate scary stuff, but this book is great. Highly recommended. And Young Frankenstein is one of my favorite movies. I try to watch it every Halloween, because, again, I hate scary stuff.

So you can imagine my complete delight when mentalfloss did 38 Essential Facts about Frankenstein yesterday, followed by 9 More Frankenstein Facts this morning. Heaven. They included these two videos, which are interviews and outtakes from Young Frankenstein. These videos are amazing. This is real movie-making, my friends. Madeline Kahn is beautiful and hilarious. Teri Garr wrote the book on dumb blonde comedy. Gene Wilder is…a legend. Nothing less. Who knew that was Gene Hackman as The Blind Man? If you have any interest in awesome things, these videos are right up your alley. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.

Baby in the Bathwater

So what about infant baptism?

Is it wrong? Is it right? Does it matter at all? Does it matter the most?

I witnessed my first infant baptism on Sunday. I am still processing my thoughts, Scripture, and the way I was raised on this issue.

But until then, does anyone have any wisdom for me on this?

‘Pushing Daisies’

On Thursday, I stayed home sick from work and started watching my new favorite TV show, Pushing Daisies. This show has always intrigued me and so I Netflixed it. I watched the whole DVD on Thursday, and by Friday, just went out and bought the whole season. I’ve never seen anything like this show. Imagine that Tim Burton took anti-depressants and teamed up with Michele Gondry and the Leader of the Lollipop Guild. They might make this show.

I’m recommending it. The new season started Wednesday, but you can catch up online for the most part. ABC even has a little “here’s what you need to know” mini-episode in case you just want to skip the whole 1st season.

You are missing out on a great deal of charm and Jim Dale.

The Mayflower Minute (Thanks, Sass)

I’ve been working on an article for one of the newsletters that I help manage at work. It’s a collection of interesting facts about Thanksgiving. I find them incredibly fascinating. You might as well, so I thought I would share some with you.

Thanksgiving Tidbits

Contrary to popular belief, the first Thanksgiving was not on Plymouth Rock with pilgrims and turkey. It was on September 8, 1565 in what is now known as Saint Augustine, Florida, as six hundred Spanish settlers landed and had a mass of Thanks, followed by a huge meal and some football.

Canadians refer to American Thanksgiving as ‘Yanksgiving,’ in order to distinguish between our Thanksgivings and theirs.

Originating during the Truman administration, every year the President pardons a turkey presented by the National Turkey Federation. The pardoned turkey is flown first-class (so much for budget cuts) from D.C. to Los Angeles, where it becomes the Grand Marshal of Disneyland’s annual Thanksgiving Day parade. The other turkey…gets eaten.

Over ten million Americans today trace their ancestory back to the Mayflower. Some famous descendants are: Dane Cook, George W. Bush, Marilyn Monroe, Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Seth McFarlane, Warren Buffet, and Amelia Earhardt.

Those Pilgrims had some crazy names. Among the travelers on the Mayflower and their next generation, there was Fear Brewster, Remember Allerton, Love Brewster (that’s a guy’s name), Wrestling Brewster (those Brewsters…), Hester le Mahieu, Oceanus Hopkins, Degory Priest, Humility Cooper, Resolved and Peregrine White (Peregrine was also the first child born to the Pilgrims in the New World).

Turkeys can drown if they look up while it’s raining.

The first female character to appear as a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was Olive Oyl in 1982.

The Detroit Lions have held a Thanksgiving Day game since 1934, with the exception of 1939-1944, due to World War II.

Before Thanksgiving was an official holiday, President Franklin D. Roosevelt moved the date up one week, so that merchants would have an extra week to sell Christmas stock, thus stimulating the economy. This angered a lot of people, since it was sort of last minute. They referred to this third Thursday celebration as ‘Franksgiving.’

Mankind has celebrated some sort of Thanksgiving or harvest festival for a really long time. One such festival, celebrated by the Romans, was called Cerelia, for the goddess of corn, Ceres. We, also celebrate Ceres every morning over a big bowl of Lucky Charms, as we get the word cereal from her name.

The highest consumption of turkey per capita is Israel, with a whopping 27 lbs.

We all know that Benjamin Franklin wanted to make the turkey the national bird. Legend has it that Thomas Jefferson thought that this was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard and opposed Franklin voraciously. It is believed that Ben then named the male turkey ‘tom,’ to spite Jefferson.

I Am Now an Etsy Seller

I may or may not have blogged about etsy.com, but it is awesome. It’s like a ginormous arts and crafts fair (all the dudes just left), and you can literally get anything you want. Even if they don’t have it, you can find someone to make it. It rules.

Anyway, today, I became an etsy seller. I have started making these little vintage-y cake toppers for weddings and showers and birthdays. I’ve only got one topper up so far, but it turned out pretty cute (I think). And if living in Birmingham (and specifically Mountain Brook) has taught me anything, it’s that people will pay for things they may or may not need. Here’s a picture of my first little cake topper (photography by the one and only, Ben Moon):

Fun to make and cute to look at. That’s how I spent my Saturday.

Explosions in the Sky

In case no one has liked you enough to tell you about Explosions in the Sky, let me do the honors. Explosions in the Sky is a band from Midland, TX and they play what they call “cathartic mini-symphonies.” You can call it the most beautiful music in the world, if you want. These guys did the soundtrack for Friday Night Lights (the movie, although they released a few of the songs for the TV show as well) and it’s really amazing. Probably my favorite song is “Your Hand in Mine” which is from the soundtrack. And I can’t tell if their songs make me think about home because they are from Midland, which is where my aunt used to live, or if it’s because they composed for Friday Night Lights, which is about the high school my mom went to, or if it’s because I just really miss home lately. Who knows.

You can see on the right side of the video a Texas flag on the amp. They put one up at every show they play. Before they start, they always say, “We’re Explosions in the Sky, we’re from Texas and we’re gonna do our best.” The flag is sort of droopy; I think it’s because there was too much rock and roll coming out of the speakers.

If you like them, you can go to their website (explosionsinthesky.com) and they have a song off of every album that you can download for free. And “The Rescue” album is completely free. So enjoy!