However, this is path we have chosen.  If you want an acting job, you are going to have to audition at some point.  I’ve seen a lot of these in my day, and I feel like I can give some pretty good advice to the casual to professional actor.  Here are my tips:

1. Arm yourself with information.
Perhaps this is your first audition.  That’s ok.  There is this incredible thing called the internet.  And it can literally teach you anything.  You want to fix the plumbing in your kitchen?  Google that mess.  You want to find the lowest price for plane tickets?  It’s a veritable smorgasbord.  You need to learn how to fold a fitted sheet?  Type that up in some search box and saddle up your ponies.  Honestly, there’s no excuse for being unprepared for an audition.  Mostly because, as the audition assessor, I send you multiple copies of an audition packet that has more information than you could possibly imagine in it.  It basically auditions for you.  So read it.  (And, as a side note, if someone you are trying to get a job with sends you an email that contains an attachment, and you find yourself unable to open it, the thing to do is to email them back with a quick “hey, I couldn’t open that attachment, is there another way I can get this information?”  Not showing up for your interview/audition and giving the excuse of “I couldn’t open that attachment!”  Just a thought.)

2. Use your brain when choosing monologues.
If you are a professionally trained Shakespearean actor that has an incredible mastery over the langauge & iambic pentameter, then by all means, Ophelia your little heart out.  Otherwise, stay away from the big dogs (Chekov, Shakespeare, Aeschylus).  There’s a reason these playwrights are famous: they write incredible plays that professionals do.  Keep it in the stratosphere.

3. Be prepared.
Here’s a tip for those that aren’t theater majors or don’t audition: it’s typically a good idea to have some monologues all up in your repertoire, just in case.  You never know when you need to bust out the skills.  Commit a couple of monologues to memory, then, when an audition is sprung upon you, you have material right there in your mind grapes, no need to stress.  If you are a theater major, then you know better and either shame on you or shame on your professors.

4.  If you aren’t prepared, you better be freaking good.
If you are going to choose to NOT be prepared, you better give it your all when you are reading those monologues off the page.  You better be freaking Sir Ian McKellan.  Although Sir Ian McKellan would never come to an audition unprepared, so, you know, maybe take notes.  You better be acting the crap out of that monologue.  Holding a piece of paper in front of your face while you read in a monotone voice is not acting.  Although I’m sure it passes in some establishments.

5. Topics to stay away from in your monologues:
a. Abortion
b. The first time you had sex and how bad you feel about it.
c. Anything that involves a great deal of yelling.
d. Anything that involves a great deal of whispering.
e. Anything from a movie.  You are auditioning for live theater.  Not film.
f. Anything you wrote yourself, unless you are Wm. Shakespeare or have graduated from an accredited playwriting program.

6. Plant your feet.
That is all.

7.  Volunteer.
Don’t wait for 40 minutes of terrible, awkward silence as NO ONE volunteers to go first.  You’re prepared!  You’ve got style and pizazz.  Get up there.  Strut your stuff.  Peacock, baby!

8. Act.
Seems simple, right?  It’s what you’re here for.  You would be amazed at the surprising number of auditionees that do the opposite, in that they recite words as themselves with a crazy emphasis or two.  Think about your monologue.  What are you trying to convey?  Should you be smiling nervously in a death scene?  No.  Unless it is incredibly ironic.

9.  Be easy.
Not that way.  What I’m saying is: assessors are tired.  They spend all day traveling to the audition site, eating crap food, watching terrible auditions from people who, for all intents and purposes, obviously do not give a crap.  Know what you’re doing.  Bring the needed material to the audition.  Be able to stay as long as needed.  Be flexible.  It’s not rocket science, to be sure.

10.Be polite.
Also sort of a given, right?  Not usually.  Look people in the eyes.  Make conversation with other auditionees.  Introduce yourself with a handshake and smile.  Be professional.  Be courteous.  This isn’t the Stone Age, and it’s also not a manners party.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t lay down your awkwardness for 20 minutes and act like a professional.  You’re an actor.

11.  And last but not least, be good.
No amount of being nice or being prepared will save a flat dab bad audition.  This is just the truth: some people are cut out to be high level college math professors, some people are cut out to be actors.  Some people can be both and I resent them for it.

So these are my tips.  I’ll go ahead and put it out there that when I auditioned, I typically broke the majority of these, causing wonder and disbelief that I ever got an acting job.  So, there’s that.  But, as an assessor I’m much more inclined to hire someone who is pretty good (and was prepared, polite, etc.) than someone who obviously has a lot of raw talent and acted like they could have cared less.

Internets, here’s the deal:

I am in the Creative Doldrums.  I can’t think.  And I’m very sleepy.

Before I get on a roll about this, let me just preface by saying: I love my job.  I can’t believe I get to do what I do.  If my 9th grade self could see me now, I know she’d be FLIPPING OUT.  She’d say: “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you work for Student Life!  Do you know Travis?”  And then I’d tell my 9th grade self that I DO, in fact, know Travis and that sometimes we even grill hot dogs at his house and she would promptly faint from SHEER DELIGHT.

Anyway, I really like my job and enjoy it, for the most part.  I am actually using my degree (which was THEATER, so…that’s incredible) and could my parents be more proud of this fact?  No, they could not.  Lately, however, I’ve noticed a slight change taking place in my daily workload.  There’s a script I should be writing and there’s also some mundane administrative duty I need to perform.  Normally, I would slough off the admin task, as admin tasks are boring and I would rather die.  But not lately.  Lately, the admin task seems more appealing.  The looming script deadline hangs ever over my head, but boy, have I made some spreadsheets!  You simply would not believe the spreadsheets.

I know what this means for me.  It means I’m stuck.  I stare at assignments and NOTHING comes to my mind.  I get up, walk around the building, see the baby, get some tea, and I’m stuck.  The fingers fly over the keyboard for the spreadsheets, but not for the scripts.

I pretty much know why I’m stuck.  Here are a couple of reasons:
There’s a baby.  She’s cute and cuddly, but also a sleep sucker.
I have no creative outlet outside of work.

It’s really that last one.  Even my free time is mostly spent writing freelance, so still work.  It’s very fun work and I enjoy it, but my brain is at maximum capacity.

So, I’ve got to find a cure.  I mean, this is my job.  My job is 10% spreadsheets, and people will get suspicious if all these spreadsheets start popping up everywhere.

I trolled the internets for some solutions.  It seems many people have this problem.  Art-Slam says I need to change the scenery and flip the script.  John Cleese says I need to go on auto-pilot for awhile and see where my whims take me.   E-How (yes, I have stooped to E-How) tells me to write down my goals, do something different, and not be afraid of support.

In The Phantom Tollbooth, Milo is rescued from the Doldrums by a dog with a ginormo clock embedded into his side named Tock.  So I’ve got to figure out what my Tock is.  Any suggestions on getting out of these old, sleepy Doldrums?

I’m all ears, internets.

This year, we came up with a game called Old Dude & an iPod (what you don’t know about me is that I am an EXCELLENT title maker-upper). This game was inspired by the latter portion of the Gwandy (this is my mom and dad, for those unfamiliar with the vernacular). Dad had received an iPod nano for Christmas and when they came to visit in March, he was just starting to figure it out. While he was here, we put some music on it (Tiny Dancer, Knights in White Satin, the works), and he was super jazzed about it. So much so that he would listen while we were in the car, oblivious to the fact that none of us could hear the music, nor discern what he was singing.

Something to understand about my dad is that he’s an incredibly talented person. He’s a master carpenter, an amazing teacher, and a pretty solid Pops. He is not, however, a good singer. But what he lacks in talent, he makes up for in gusto. He’s also not great with remembering lyrics, althought he really tries. So, when he would sing along with his iPod (headphones on), it was something like:

“Mursha hmm hmm Tiny Dancer! Hmm headlights gojkha yjawert-way! Lay me dern hmmm sheets of hmmm-nen! Herdam mizie hmm today!”

It was rather difficult to figure out what he was singing. So, Old Dude & an iPod works like this: we shot our good friend, Lee, singing some songs he was rather unfamiliar with while wearing headphones. We play the videos at Late Nite and students have to guess what song he’s singing for points.

Lee was a great sport and did a bang up job. Below is my favorite exerpt from Old Dude & an iPod. It’s equally charming and hilarious and I could literally watch it every day.

Old Dude & an iPod – Beyonce from Erin Moon on Vimeo.

I’m notoriously bad at forming complete ideas in Creative Team, as well as usually being the one to knock us off topic. I had some vague idea for an activity and when Monte pressed me to be more specific, I said something to the effect of, “Can’t the teachers just come up with that part?” Andy remarked (sarcastically, I might add) that this was a great new idea for a Bible Study, just giving general suggestions. Kinsley christened our new idea “Mere Suggestions.” And we decided to have a blog contest to see who could come up with the best lesson for “Mere Suggestions.” Below is my lesson:

Mere Suggestions Bible Study
Lesson 3, John’s Revelation (or something)
Biblical Verse: Just pick a verse in Revelation. A couple of verses if you’re feeling crazy.
Learning Goal:

• Students will learn about stuff

Biblical Context: John hung out with Jesus, but he also lived on an island for some reason. Some stuff happened on the island, and now we know how it’s all gonna go down when Jesus comes back. We want the students to know about that part.

Connect Activity:
Make some crazy stuff or do something crazy. Either one will work. Say: There’s some crazy stuff in this Revelation book, and today, we’re gonna talk about it.

The Key Study:
Read the verse(s) you picked out from Revelation. Maybe you want to ask the students what they think about it. For example, if you chose Revelation 9:5, which reads: “They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man,” then you could ask the students what they think that means, if you want. It’s up to you. Then say: This is pretty kooky, but the important thing to remember is that the good guys win.

Transform:
Have the students write some stuff down while some song plays. If it’s about the verse that you talked about, awesome. If not, no biggie. Then, pray.