YES.  THANK YOU, SIR.

Anyway, 2009 = great.  I give it an…A-.  Which, if you’re a solid B/B- student (moi), you’ll find that to be quite satisfactory indeed.

But alas, on to 2010.  Which sounds so futuristic, right? I feel like a Jetson already.  Where’s my jet pack?

Today, I want to share a Christmas story with you.  It’s a bad Christmas story.  No Santa, no quiet meditations on Luke 2 by a crackling fire.  This is the story of how it took us 32 hours to drive from Amarillo to Birmingham.

Now, it normally take about 14 hours (give or take, depending on whether you’re driving with a certified lunatic [my father] who will not allow passengers to use the restroom, or an infant) to make this drive.  We made it in about 15 on the way there.  And friends, 15 hours in the car is no small potatoes.  It’s very large potatoes.  It’s a large helping of potato salad.  But, dear Lord, if we only knew what waited for us on the other end of our trip.

Christmas Eve, 7pm: We finished loading up the Kia Rondo (that’s right, we rented) with the truly absurd amount of things we accumulated on our trip and said a teary farewell to my family.  Well, I did anyway.  We started driving down Hwy 287.  We usually through Oklahoma, but Oklahoma was closed.  The whole state.  Because of the Great Snowpocalypse of 2009.  So, we thought we’d be clever and go around it.

Don’t get clever with Mother Nature.  She’s not interested in your cleverness.

Christmas Eve, 10:30pm: Childress, TX.  We stop to use el bano and I suggest we “just top off the tank.”  This move solidifies my awesomeness for years to come.

Christmas Eve, 11pm: Traffic stops.

Let me pause here and mention that it is icy.  And it snowed the day before.  But there is no reason for alarm.

Christmas Day, 12:01am: We decide to scour Twitter to see if we can find like-minded individuals who might be further along in traffic that can give us a heads-up about what MUST be a wreck or something.  Here is what we find:

“@TxDOT we have been onHWY287 4 over 8hrs.  PLs send help,food,water ASAP.”

“Stuck on HWY 287 outside WFalls. We’re never getting out of here.”

“Can any1 see what’s going on with HWY 287?”

Despair.  Despair.  Despair.

We tweet with some people that are further up in traffic.  They have apparently been sitting in the EXACT same position for going on 8 hours already.  WHAT?  At this point, we raise our fists to the heavens and curse Doppler Dave for COMPLETELY NEGLECTING to inform ANYONE that HWY 287 is apparently closed for business.

Christmas Day, 2am: Not much has changed, except our spirits aren’t great.  We silently consider eating one another.

Christmas Day, 4am: We keep cranking the car, warming it up and then shutting her down again to conserve gas.

Christmas Day, 6am: We have to pee.  We are in the part of Texas where it’s flat.  If you pee, everyone around you is gonna get a show.

Christmas Day, 8am: We move!  Oh Sweet LORD!  We are movi-ok.  That’s it.  That’s all we moved.

Christmas Day, 10am: The infant we are traveling with (did you forget about the 4 month old newborn in the

backseat?) decides she’s angry.  And she’s had enough.  I envy her ability to throw a tantrum.  And to wear a diaper and pee at will.

Christmas Day, 2pm: We are moving.  We move.  Oh, I’m so happy.  We still have to pee.  So much.  Aaaaaand we stop.  About the length of a football field.  I now have the understanding that I will certainly die on this road that God forgot.

Christmas Day, 3pm: Ben gives in and trespasses on someone’s property to pee.  He returns as Moses would.

Christmas Day, 4pm: The family in front of us finds a dead mouse in the snow.  They play with it.  We contemplate eating them.

Christmas Day, 5pm: Great day in the morning.  We finally move.  There are so many cars abandoned on the road.  So many jack-knifed semis.  All Ben can say is: “It’s like the apocalypse.”   We learn around now that we were a part of a 50 mile long string of traffic.  We also learn that many people went crazy and took golf clubs to their side mirrors.  Again, I envy these people who operate with complete emotional abandon.

Christmas Day, 5:30pm: We reach a rest stop.  So has the rest of the world.  It’s a one bathroom.  The girl in front of me fights down her gag reflex.  I sacrifice dignity, hygiene, and self-respect and use what could loosely be referred to as a “restroom.”  There is freedom in an empty bladder.  I vow never to drink water or any liquid ever again.

Christmas Day, 6pm: We stop at some chicken place to eat.  We’re so hungry, yet dazed.  Are we still in Texas?  It’s been almost 24 hours and we’re not even out of Texas.  We eat chicken.  Holland gets pouty.

The Day After Christmas, 3am: We arrive home.  We stumble inside.  The baby is completely dazed.  She has no idea what’s become of her life.  We share her sentiment.

It’s a funny story now.  All told, it took us about 32 hours to make it all the way home.  And we really did not get the worst of it, as friends of ours traveled the same road the next day and flipped their car three times.  Awful.

The great part about this is that we can look back at Holland’s First Christmas and know with great certainty that she can’t possibly ever have a worse Christmas than her first.  There’s nowhere to go but up.

Knock on wood.

I’m Christmas shopping for my sister-in-law, who loves Twilight.  I thought I might get her a fun little happy to go along with her present.  And I wanted to share with you some of the most ridiculous etsy finds based on Twilight.  You’re really gonna love it.  I promise.

Sweet mother of pearl, is this not the most absurd phrase to have over one’s bed?

Ah.  Jacob-scented lotion.  In case you aren’t up on your Twilight, Jacob is the 17 year old boy that turns into a werewolf when he gets mad.  Just what I want to smell like.  A pubescent, angry dog.

Friends, let me remind you of something.  Vamps do not want peace and love.  They want your blood and my blood, and they want to drink it up.

The actor that plays Jacob is…wait for it…17.  So, no, 47 year old mom, it’s not creepy at all that you own this ginormo photo collage of him.  TOTALLY NORMAL.

This Etsy artist will “Cullen-ize” you, meaning she will take your photo and make you look like a vampire.  For people who just can’t stand the reality of not being an actual vampire.

Aaaand, for those of you who must force your weird obsessions onto your children (YOUR INFANT CHILDREN), a onesie.

I, for one, can never have enough Dreamcatcher messenger bags.

Let’s see…do I go with the obsessive stalker who desperately wants to drain the blood from my body…OR…the egomaniacal, self-centered Victorian uptight?

If you have to ask…

My internet friend, Caroline, likes to play a game where she google image searches “Twilight Tattoos,” which is equally entertaining.  Some gems…

Internet: I salute you for the amount of crazy you hold.

On November 27th, StoryCorps is hosting their 2nd annual National Day of Listening.  You can learn more here, but basically, you pick an interview subject and ask them questions about their life.  I’ve decided to do three subjects: my Nene, my Papa Hicks, and my Mama.  These are my three living grandparents and I am excited about learning more about their lives.

The National Day of Listening website has a DIY guide that tells you everything you need to get started, as well as a question generator, which is helpful.  There are some really good questions on there, but feel free to make up your own.

I’m doing this because I don’t want the stories of my grandparents to be lost to time.  I want to know them in my heart, so I can pass them on to Holland and our other kids.

So, if you decide to participate, let me know and we can all share our stories!

For some reason, this piece from the A.V. Club popped up in my Reader this week.  From Justin to Kelly is one of my favorite movies and I LOVED reading their disgusted review of it (there is a language disclaimer).  Because it is disgusting.  But also delicious.  My favorite line is,

“See, the young people of today, they’re too busy to spell out long, complicated words like “burger.” Who has the time? They’re too busy Googling up The Twitter on their iPhones to spell out words in their entirety.”

The piece includes some clips, but most certainly left out my favorite, where Justin & Kelly break into song while driving a boat while wearing matching white track suits.  Sadly, I cannot find it anywhere.  You would have really liked it.  I’ll buy you a Starbucks treat if you can find it.  Scouts honor.

I believe I first heard about Stephen Wiltshire on NPR, but listening this story on the radio and seeing it in person are two totally different things.  He’s drawing the Manhattan Skyline from MEMORY.

Ruth & David totally need these shirts for their girls.

From the world of tumblr.com: some very interesting tumblr blogs:
This dad draws on his kid’s lunch bags everyday: Lunch Bag Art
For the Men: Put This On
Weird Black and White Photos: Black & WTF
For the Zombie Lover’s: Zombify

Although I am not a photographer, (I’ll leave that to this guy, this guy, and this guy.  And this girl.) I like Annie Leibovitz’s pictures a lot.  Here is a series she did for Disney Parks.  Really, really cool.

I basically need this everyday of my life.  Now if only they could come up with a website to find my car keys.

And finally, Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) gives a TED talk and it’s very good.  She’s unassuming and charming and funny, and says a lot of great things about writing and creativity.  It’s interesting what she says about where creativity comes from

My friend and fellow Canyon-ite, Michael Kelley, has a guest post on Stuff Christians Like.  It’s a very funny post, and gut-wrenchingly close to home, unfortunately for me.  Here’s an interesting tidbit: my parents bought my first car from Michael’s parents after he and his brothers moved onto greener pastures (car-wise).  Here is a picture:

Publisher’s Weekly just posted their list of the Best Books of 2009.  There’s a lot to sift through here, but would make a good starting point for anyone that needed book suggestions.

Lifehacker has a cool post for my photography friends today.  They show you how to build a low budget studio in your closet.

Is this not the most beautiful blog?  I just want to look at everything.  Sigh.  This blog makes me think of Brandi.

RUSH is a mockumentary done by members of FLMJ 300 at Samford University here in Birmingham.  Below is the trailer, but you can see the whole (very funny thing) on youtube in four parts (1, 2, 3, 4).  It made me giggle and features some SL alum, which is fun to see.  I love watching things by people who enjoy what they do, and I feel like RUSH is a really fun example of that.

If only I had had the foresight to make a 3-armed baby Halloween costume.

This is Iris.  She’s our new Compassion child.  I’m really excited about getting to know her better.  Compassion International is a great organization that is releasing children from poverty in Christ’s name.  I would LOVE to tell you more about Compassion and how you can sponsor a child or even give to some of their general funds during the holidays.  But anyway, Iris is awesome, huh?

I’m really trying to buy handmade this Christmas (or make my own gifts), so I’ve been doing a lot of shopping on Etsy.  Here’s just a couple of things I’ve had my little eye on.

The Book of Lists by jedgell.  Don’t you just want to make a bunch of awesome lists in this pretty little book?

Ball and Chain – Aquamarine Faceted Round with Oxidized Sterling Silver by mycellardoor.  My beautiful birthstone ring that I got for my 14th birthday is was put away for safekeeping one day so well that it’s still lost in my room at my parents house.  I know it’s there somewhere, but this aquamarine necklace could tide me over until I find it.

Organic Black Pepper Mustard by MistcalAcScents.  After a long hiatus from mustard, I am really starting to dig on it (although I still think yellow mustard is DISGUSTING).  Doesn’t this sound so tasty?

And finally, I saw ‘This Is It’ last night and it was…so good.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t tear up a little when the bass line for Billie Jean kicked in.  So awesome.  Here’s a couple of MJ videos I could watch OVER and OVER again.

The 1988 Grammys.  Please.  PLEASE!

Billie Jean Live in New York.  He says, “Do you want me to put this glove on?  Oh.  I think you do.”

Smooth Criminal.  Please.  I love a good huge shadow.

Ok.  The Weekend Links are done for now.  But rest assured, I’ll have some awesome ones next week.

What Storm Troopers Do on Their Days Off via Wild Ammo.

My friend Andy has really been hitting it out of the park with his posts lately.  Check out this cartoon he drew after he had a very interesting conversation with his young daughter.

Did you know that some countries have theme hospitals?  What I know Ruth wouldn’t give to have the twins in a Hello Kitty Maternity Ward.

Sophie Blackall is a New York artist that takes the Missed Connections ads from craigslist and renders them into really beautiful works of art.  She also sells them on her etsy store.

I loved this post from mental floss on the Top Ten Best Secret Menu items.  I want to order them now!

Ok.  Yes.  I am a mental floss junkie.  But this is another cool post.  Artists that take well-known cartoon characters and make them more realistic.  So cool.

Yeah.  That’s right.  CANDIED.  SALTED.  BACON. YOU ARE MOST WELCOME.

It’s cellular mitosis with doughnuts!

I have not tried to make this yet, but my friend Tris’ sister-in-law posted this sweet recipe for making Pumpkin Spice Latte’s at home.  Because I am singlehandedly funding Jill Casey’s benefits at Starbucks.  I love it so so much.

Not only is this video completely and totally fun, for every 10,000 people who view it, the Dude Perfect guys will sponsor one Compassion child.

Cracked.com makes me laugh so hard.  It reminds me of Shane for some reason.  They are like an irreverent mental floss.  This article about 7 Secrets Only Two Living People Know is so interesting, and it’s funny.  Warning: people cuss.

That’s enough for today.  My hope is that one day I’ll be able to post pictures on this blog (ugh) and I can resume normal postings.  Until then…

Thanks, previous Mormon owners!

This year, we came up with a game called Old Dude & an iPod (what you don’t know about me is that I am an EXCELLENT title maker-upper). This game was inspired by the latter portion of the Gwandy (this is my mom and dad, for those unfamiliar with the vernacular). Dad had received an iPod nano for Christmas and when they came to visit in March, he was just starting to figure it out. While he was here, we put some music on it (Tiny Dancer, Knights in White Satin, the works), and he was super jazzed about it. So much so that he would listen while we were in the car, oblivious to the fact that none of us could hear the music, nor discern what he was singing.

Something to understand about my dad is that he’s an incredibly talented person. He’s a master carpenter, an amazing teacher, and a pretty solid Pops. He is not, however, a good singer. But what he lacks in talent, he makes up for in gusto. He’s also not great with remembering lyrics, althought he really tries. So, when he would sing along with his iPod (headphones on), it was something like:

“Mursha hmm hmm Tiny Dancer! Hmm headlights gojkha yjawert-way! Lay me dern hmmm sheets of hmmm-nen! Herdam mizie hmm today!”

It was rather difficult to figure out what he was singing. So, Old Dude & an iPod works like this: we shot our good friend, Lee, singing some songs he was rather unfamiliar with while wearing headphones. We play the videos at Late Nite and students have to guess what song he’s singing for points.

Lee was a great sport and did a bang up job. Below is my favorite exerpt from Old Dude & an iPod. It’s equally charming and hilarious and I could literally watch it every day.

Old Dude & an iPod – Beyonce from Erin Moon on Vimeo.

Oh my gosh. Amazing.

Reading this website only makes me excited for the day that Holland goes to public school, so she can tell me stories of the absurd things people in her class do. And I am sure she will be a part of some of it. I can only hope.

Here are some of the gems I found just right off the bat (you may have to click on some of them to adequately appreciate the genius):

And my personal favorite, only because the teacher is clearly someone I would be great friends with…

So, go visit funnyexams.com if you have a moment to spare. Some are obviously incredibly crude, so you’ve been warned.