this is the blog where we talk about the stuff.

When I was in 6th grade, I had a crush on an 8th grader named Sam.  I believe I’ve posted what I looked like in the 6th grade, and that was picture day, so just imagine a regular day, and I had the most uncomfortable personality known to man.  I basically wore long, light washed denim shorts, Wal-Mart knockoff Birkenstock sandals with my dad’s old athletic socks, and a Texas Tech sweatshirt that was three sizes too big and had a rust stain on it from where I left it outside in the rain on top of a board with a nail sticking out of it, every day.  I looked like a feral child.

Anyway, I had a crush on Sam.  He was older, had a girlfriend, and you can be more than sure that he was not at all interested in me.  He suffered my presence.  But I was convinced that he would fall in love with me and we would be married.  CONVINCED.  In a very creepy way.  I journaled about him.  I wrote him letters I never gave him.  I planned my walking schedule to each class based on where I might see him.  I was a creepy, creepy 6th grader.

The fact that Sam did not love me back was heartbreaking to me.  I neglected my personal appearance (as if it could be more neglected).  I refused to brush my hair.  I walked the halls in a coma, drawing on the walls with my finger.  I kept my head down, looking at my Birkenstocks wondering what I could do to make Sam love me.  I mean, life got weird.

During this time of introspection, I attended a Math and Science Meet for 6th graders.  This is laughable to most, because it for sure took me four tries to pass Algebra 099 in college.  How I got signed up for this trip, I have no idea.  Either way, the trip insured that we would get to eat at either McDonald’s or Pizza Hut.  I was (and still am) a fast food guilty pleasurer, so as the prospect of McDonald’s was, quite frankly, too good of a deal to pass up.  My friends, who had every right to be on this trip, chose Pizza Hut.  Just another in the long line of poor decisions I would make during the course of my young life.

I wore a large coat, more than likely my father’s, and started out to Mickey Dee’s.  I’m sure I purchased a Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal (including Dr. Pepper), because that is the only thing I ever get at McDonald’s.  I started back, planning to meet my friends at Pizza Hut and eat with them.  It was cold.  I had on denim shorts and a huge jacket.  I had poor posture, which is to say, Quasimodo taught me how to sit in a chair.  As I schlumped past the Pizza Hut, readying myself to cross the street, I was oblivious to the compassionate stares of my friends as they surveyed me walking towards Pizza Hut.  I was later told that the conversation went something like this:

Meaghan: Oh my gosh.  Is that a homeless person?

Jennifer: Oh my gosh.

Terra: Yeah.

Jennifer: Should we give him some food.

Terra: I think he’s got a McDonald’s bag.

Meaghan: Oh yeah.  I see it now.

Jennifer: Wait, he’s coming in here.

Erin: Hey guys.

Terra: Holy crap.  We thought you were a homeless guy.

Meaghan: We almost gave you pizza.

*****

This has been installment 1 of “Awkward Stories from My Childhood.”

While I was waiting and waiting and waiting in the doctor’s office today (Holland’s 4 month check-up; all systems go), I killed some time browsing through my Google Reader.  I stumbled upon a story about a guy who wrote a little piece about the songs that remind him of his home.  And I thought,

What a fun idea.

I think this exercise says a lot about where we grew up and how we grew up.  So I’m gonna share my songs.  And you share yours.  At least a couple.  Either in a blog post, or in the comments, but I think this will be fun.

Here are a few of mine:

1. I listened to a GREAT DEAL of Caedmon’s Call in high school.  I would’ve drank their bath water.  So they’re on here a few times actually.  In fact, the whole 40 Acres album probably deserves to be on this list, but it’s not a list of albums, it’s a list of songs.  The title song to 40 Acres is the perfect song to play on the last stretch of road to my grandparent’s ranch.  And also, Back Where I Began off that same album reminds me of sitting outside FBC Canyon during the summer, waiting for our parents to pick us up after Wednesday night Priority.  Good times.

2. George Strait’s The Fireman was my little brother’s favorite song, bar none.  He would sing it all the time and knew every word.  My mother even misplaced him in Michael’s one day and tracked him down by following the sound of him singing The Fireman.  Ironically, the Fireman is not about an actual firefighter, but a guy who runs around town making out with hot women.

3. TLC’s Waterfalls.  I distinctly remember this being the last dance at the 8th grade Valentine’s Dance.  I had a boyfriend at this dance, and his little brother was born that night.  In case you were wondering, sadly, this is what I looked like in the 8th grade:

I know.  Could I be more lovely?  Truly, no.

Ok.  I’ve shared some of my home songs.  Your turn.  Don’t let me down.

Holls looks more like Barack Obama!  Wow!  Nobel Peace Prize and now this?

Just kidding!  With a final count of 11 votes for Baby A & 7 votes for Baby B, I have emerged victorious.  That’s right.  Baby A is me and Baby B is Ben.  I win.

As promised, I went to here and allowed them to choose a number for me.  I had 15 comments, and they selected the number three: My good friend, the Sass.

That’s right.  The Sass.  Sassy Mac.  The Sass-a-nator.  Ole ChiliDawg.  Reesey-Piecey.  The last two I made up.  But whatever.  I wish her nickname was Ole ChiliDawg.  Sarah Mac was born in Jackson, Mississippi to famous song-and-dance duo Bob-n-Kay.  Bob-n-Kay were legendary for the dancing tricks they performed while singing old gospel hymns.  Most extraordinary was the “Plate Trick,” where Bob would take a long, thin stick, balance a spinning plate on top, balance Kay on TOP of the spinning plate, all while singing “Go Tell It on the Mountain” in perfect unison.

Bob-n-Kay hung up their performing hats when little Sarah arrived.  There was talk of adding the wee one to the “Plate Trick,” but ultimately, it was decided that Sarah needed a grounded upbringing, sans being a celebrity baby in world of Gospel song and dance duos.

Sarah was a bright child, always interested in the world around her and curious.  This led to her acceptance and subsequent graduation from MIT at the tender age of 8.  It seemed that despite Bob-n-Kay’s best efforts, Sarah would not live the life of an unknown; she was destined for greater things.

As much as little Sarah excelled in Planetary Sciences (her post doctoral work for MIT included the study of Exo-Solar Planets and Brown Dwarfs), she felt drawn to the field that ultimately brought her parents together.  Eager to add her name to the long and storied roster of plate spinners, she knew the only place that was worthy of such a plate-spinning pedigree as hers was the Chinese National Plate Spinning Troupe.  Torn between her love of country and her deep, heartfelt desire to perform, she hid in a wooden crate being sent to Shenyung, China and relocated to pursue her dreams.  Little Sarah lived in China for four years, learning the mystical art of Chinese Plate Spinning.  You can view a video of Sarah in traditional Chinese costume, spinning plates to the delight of millions here.

After spending some time as an undercover spy for the Intergalactic League of Galaxies, Sarah Mac moved back home to Mississippi.  Yearning for the simple life after years of high-risk shenanagins and balancing plates for audiences, she bought a trailer/hot dog stand, selling hot dogs to the crowds of people who flocked to Mississippi to see the birthplace of Rogue from X-Men.

During that time, Sarah wrote the following works of literature:
Pride & Prejudice, under the pen name Jane Austen
Don Quixote, under the pen name Miguel Cervantes
The Da Vinci Code, under the pen name Dan Brown
Everyone Poops, under the pen name Taro Gomi
The First Two Twilight books, under the pen name Stephanie Meyer

Sarah Mac now serves on the President’s Council for Methane-Produced Oxide & Obesity-Powered Energy Resources (MPOOPER), is a member of Mensa (along with Sharon Stone), and is currently said to be heading the development of a much-anticipated movie project with Ron Howard and Brian Grazer;  Arrested Development: The Movie.

You should check out Sarah’s blog that she keeps with none other than the Berge, That’s What She Said.  There you can learn ever more about the great enigma that is Sassy Mac.

It’s a well documented fact that I love the internets in all its glory.  And while I have about 5 drafts of posts I need to finish and actually publish, it might be a while.  We’ve got a lot going on & most of those posts include pictures, which I have yet to figure out how to successfully upload in the godforsaken wordpress mess.  So, I thought I’d go through the starred posts in my Google Reader and share some of the gooey, chocolately internet goodness I’ve discovered in the past couple of weeks.  You’re welcome.

My friend Andy has really been hitting it out of the park with his posts lately.  Check out this cartoon he drew after he had a very interesting conversation with his young daughter.

Did you know that some countries have theme hospitals?  What I know Ruth wouldn’t give to have the twins in a Hello Kitty Maternity Ward.

Sophie Blackall is a New York artist that takes the Missed Connections ads from craigslist and renders them into really beautiful works of art.  She also sells them on her etsy store.

I loved this post from mental floss on the Top Ten Best Secret Menu items.  I want to order them now!

Ok.  Yes.  I am a mental floss junkie.  But this is another cool post.  Artists that take well-known cartoon characters and make them more realistic.  So cool.

Yeah.  That’s right.  CANDIED.  SALTED.  BACON. YOU ARE MOST WELCOME.

It’s cellular mitosis with doughnuts!

I have not tried to make this yet, but my friend Tris’ sister-in-law posted this sweet recipe for making Pumpkin Spice Latte’s at home.  Because I am singlehandedly funding Jill Casey’s benefits at Starbucks.  I love it so so much.

Not only is this video completely and totally fun, for every 10,000 people who view it, the Dude Perfect guys will sponsor one Compassion child.

Cracked.com makes me laugh so hard.  It reminds me of Shane for some reason.  They are like an irreverent mental floss.  This article about 7 Secrets Only Two Living People Know is so interesting, and it’s funny.  Warning: people cuss.

That’s enough for today.  My hope is that one day I’ll be able to post pictures on this blog (ugh) and I can resume normal postings.  Until then…

So, as some of you know, I work for this company that does camps. I love what I get to do and I work with some people that are talented out the wazoo. Anyway, at these camps, we do a late night program that has been appropriately named Late Nite. It’s fun, weird, lots of games, what we hope are funny videos, and general revelry.

This year, we came up with a game called Old Dude & an iPod (what you don’t know about me is that I am an EXCELLENT title maker-upper). This game was inspired by the latter portion of the Gwandy (this is my mom and dad, for those unfamiliar with the vernacular). Dad had received an iPod nano for Christmas and when they came to visit in March, he was just starting to figure it out. While he was here, we put some music on it (Tiny Dancer, Knights in White Satin, the works), and he was super jazzed about it. So much so that he would listen while we were in the car, oblivious to the fact that none of us could hear the music, nor discern what he was singing.

Something to understand about my dad is that he’s an incredibly talented person. He’s a master carpenter, an amazing teacher, and a pretty solid Pops. He is not, however, a good singer. But what he lacks in talent, he makes up for in gusto. He’s also not great with remembering lyrics, althought he really tries. So, when he would sing along with his iPod (headphones on), it was something like:

“Mursha hmm hmm Tiny Dancer! Hmm headlights gojkha yjawert-way! Lay me dern hmmm sheets of hmmm-nen! Herdam mizie hmm today!”

It was rather difficult to figure out what he was singing. So, Old Dude & an iPod works like this: we shot our good friend, Lee, singing some songs he was rather unfamiliar with while wearing headphones. We play the videos at Late Nite and students have to guess what song he’s singing for points.

Lee was a great sport and did a bang up job. Below is my favorite exerpt from Old Dude & an iPod. It’s equally charming and hilarious and I could literally watch it every day.

Old Dude & an iPod – Beyonce from Erin Moon on Vimeo.