The Most Embarrassing Thing That’s Happened to Me in 2008
5
November
If you read my blog at all, you know how much I hate the gym. I won’t remind you, but in short, it’s the bane of my existence. And after today, I’m not sure how I will ever show my face again.
So I walk in and there is a new guy swiping cards. He’s black with amazing dreads. The reason I point this out is because the three times (including today) that I’ve been hit on since Ben and I started dating has been directed at me from black guys with amazing dreads. The first was a guy in New York City working a clothing store that was way too hip for me to even be in giving me his email address. The second was a customer at Starbucks telling me he’d like to take me to dinner. The third was today. He complimented my glasses, telling me that I was “cute” and that they “looked nice on me.” I tell him that I got them online for $20 and he seemed as impressed as he should be and gave me a big smile. I smile as well, because I managed not to make a complete fool of myself by doing something humiliating, which is my wont.
Either way, I’m feeling pretty good, which if you know me, is a sure sign that I will soon embarrass myself enormously. I don’t ever get hit on (except by my husband, which I’m ok with) and I certainly never get hit on at the gym. I usually don’t even get acknowledged the gym, so this is a step up. So I walk into the locker room and proceed to change into my gym clothes.
I open up the bag and it appears that I have forgotten my shoes. Crap. Oh well. I’m wearing my red pumas today, so no harm, no foul. I do have a thing about ONLY wearing athletic shoes (tennis shoes) at the gym, but I can let it slide today.
Ok. So that problem is solved. No biggie. Wait. Where are my socks? I am wearing my yellow and gray argyle socks today, so I really would like to wear my athletic ankle socks…but it doesn’t appear that I packed those either. And I have the world’s stinkiest feet, so no one I work or live with would benefit from not wearing socks. Crap. Oh well. I’m wearing long pants to work out in, so no one will even see them. I’m totally cool.
As I pull my pants on, I realize that I have packed my CAPRI workout pants. Meaning my long yellow and gray argyle socks and red pumas will be showcased as my pants end about six inches above my ankles. Crap. Crap. Crap.
Ok. Think. This isn’t that bad. Normally, I would just leave under this kind of pressure, but I haven’t been to the gym in forever, and I really feel like I can work this out. I’ll get on the Nordic Track in the women’s room. No one will see me, all the ladies will ignore me there anyway. Perfect.
I dodge into the Ladies Room. EVERY machine is being used. All of them. And everyone in the room is staring at my ankle area. I leave. I run into the glass door a little in my haste. Crap.
Ok. There are still options here. I’ll just pull my pants down a little, so that my ankles are covered and you can’t really see the socks. Perfect. It looks a little weird…but not too bad. No one is going to be staring at me anyway. I’m good.
So I go on my merry way and run on the running machine, with the serious people. I hate doing this with the serious people, but I had too. Plus I was really proud of myself for not just leaving when I forgot my shoes. I’m running and running and walking and listening to This American Life and I feel a tap on my back. It’s an extremely sweating lady, very small and blonde, and she looks nervous. I pull my headphones out and smile. She comes closer and whispers, “I think your pants are falling down.”
My pants, indeed, had slid from where they ought to be to a new place, where my underwear was visible to the serious people. I thanked her and hoisted my pants into their proper position, trying to look cool about it, but my eyes welled up a little. I can’t help this. I don’t want to cry in situations and I literally cannot help it. She saw this and scurried off. I pressed quit on my running machine and pondered my fate. I was going to have to walk down the stairs with my underwear showing, or my argyle-socked ankles. I chose the ankles. 
I laughed out loud, prompting Cason to have to read this too. The funny thing is, I thought you said that you wore red PUMPS to work today, not red PUMAS.
Ahhhhhh! Good story. Bless your heart though – hope you weren’t too embarrassed. Really though, working out is overated and lame. I don’t take part in it and am not horribly fat….just yet.
Thanks for sharing your funny story!
Joy real joy
Oh Erin, you are the cutest! and seriously the best storyteller. I had to read this aloud to Brandon and it got both of us! You certainly share the same delightful ill fate as my sister. (Though I’m sure you didn’t see it as delightful at the time… and maybe still don’t)
that is epic…i wish things like that happened to me. The only thing that happens to me is falling off my longboard on my way to work and getting called ginger in Wal Mart. Some people have all the luck.
Erin I have to tell you that this made me laugh…hard. It’s funny because I can SO see myself doing that exact same thing! Good story!
I laughed out loud, too! My roommate scurried into the room cause she thought I was watching something funny on tv! too hilarious
You know, I see your dad most mornings at the gym. He doesn’t seem to have these problems. Maybe you got it from your mother
It’s ok. I still think you’re cool.
I would’ve left after I realized my capri’s would show the socks. Bravo for sticking it out. Do you remember that my nickname in 7th grade was Skeeter? That is still today my most embarrassing moment. If you don’t remember why, I’m not posting it on here. Great story though!
I’m great! It has been forever. How are you?
Oh.My.Gosh! This is hilarious. I saw your comment on Lindsey’s page and got so excited knowing that I could read what happens in your life. I am not one bit disappointed! You crack me up because of stories like this. You wouldn’t be Erin if this stuff didn’t happen to you. Why can’t you live in Florida and be my friend?? I guess I’ll have to settle for computer friend.
Amy
I love you and want you to know that my blog life just reached a new high point because I found you!
Thank you for making me laugh out loud this cold Monday morning. I’m sorry that happened, but at least we can all laugh WITH you.
i can’t stop laughing…i had to read this to necie.
thanks